A reader sends a critique of #vanlife.

Dear Site Zed,

My friend once told me, “Vans are for posers.” I didn’t know what he meant until recently.

I was at a river festival a few weeks ago. Takeout parking was limited, not because of crowds-because of vans. Hipsters adorned in mullets, mustaches and flat brimmed hats stood outside their vans, hogging a space and a half per vehicle. The put in was even worse. I felt like I was back in Atlanta as I laid on the horn, awaiting vans to pass each other on the one lane dirt road.

My already thin patience was exhausted when I arrived at the takeout after my third run of the day. I had just enough time for a fourth. I stuck my thumb out and a van pulled up. The driver rolled down his window and I cheered as I prepared to load up. “Sorry, man. I can’t go back to the put in,” he said, his voice full of sheepish shame. When I asked why, he explained the road was too rough for his van. The road is butter, not a four wheel drive, rutted out double track. Honda Civics tear up and down it like it’s I85.

The next day a friend was hesitant to drive to the put in because his bed would get wet if a bunch of nasty paddlers piled in. His neighboring van driver asked me to hand him the ladder required to tie boats on the top of his vehicle. I was too busy throwing my boat in the back of a beater Ford Ranger. By the time homie tied his shit on his van, I knocked out another lap.

Vans suck. Get a Civic. We’ll get more laps, and you’ll save a couple hundred thousand bucks.

Love the mag,

Van Hater in Atlanta